“I do get to tell you how you feel because I feel it too!” Tony ramps up, sharing in the emotional feedback loop. It’s exhilarating in the way fighting always is to him, but there’s a charge behind it too, tantalizing and attractive. Loki’s eyes glow emerald when he’s angry and Tony’s burn almost gold in the right light.
They could be miles apart or inches from one another’s face and Tony would still look like he’s about to pounce, teeth showing as he yells, body tense and breathing punctuated.
“Im not asking you to make it easier— oh— Oh wait, did I get it wrong? Do you hate it that much that you’re trying to find a way out of it? Is that why you keep saying shit like this? Fine. Great. How about we work on that?”
His nostrils flare as he sees Steve over Loki’s shoulder and he addresses the blond. “Where’s Banner? Tell him I need him for a special project!”
Now he’s just upsetting himself for no real reason. The thought of being apart from Loki is turning his stomach but let no one say Tony Stark isn’t one of the most stubborn creatures in the universe.
"Oh, of course!" Loki sneers, anger and hurt mingling into the toxic air that surrounds them. "The great Tony Stark, our savior, who is so smart he will solve the conundrum that scholars have been trying to solve since before his species could even speak. If only they had half of his mind and a third of his gigantic ego!" Like a rabbit trapped in a bramble, every barb tears into his own skin but he can't stop struggling. As if the act will free him rather than bring him closer to his end.
Thor places a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Brother, you need-"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Loki rounds on him, oh to happy to have a new outlet for his anger. "I'm not your brother! You've never cared what I need, just what best suits you! So why don't you just fly off and play the hero, while the villain," Loki violently gestures to himself, "stays here and self-destructs?"
“Fellas,” is about all Rogers gets to contribute before Thor envelops Loki is a hug.
“I have been selfish, Loki. My fall and your loss showed me all too well my errors. I try still to right what I have done, and with you once again with me, I will work to make the wrongs I caused right to you.”
Tony stands alone, the fire in his chest turned to ice. His breathing is more shallow now, as if his lungs burn with each attempt, as if he’s slowly filling with concrete and turning to stone. He turns eyes bright with tears that will sting and remain unshed away from Thor and Loki as he tries to think of a way out of this situation that doesn’t look like he’s running.
Tony Stark doesn’t care. Tony Stark is pompous and arrogant and a garbage human whose selfishness makes his heroics self servicing. He makes everything worse in his attempts to make them better and he doesn’t care because he knows he’s right. In the end, he may well stand alone, but he’ll be right.
Tony mechanically straightens and lets his mind close itself off. He turns on his heels and heads away from the scene with poor Rogers left unsure what to do. Ultimately, he chooses to remain with Thor in case Loki turns violent. Tony will be fine alone.
Loki struggles, spitting more insults at Thor but stopping short of actually stabbing him (no matter how appealing that is right now.) Thor doesn't let go the whole time. He'd spent enough time letting go of his brother when he needed him, he won't make that mistake again.
Eventually, after Tony walks away, Loki's struggles die down and he hangs limp, breathing heavy. "You can let go now."
"You aren't going to go after him and start yelling again?" Thor asks.
"Norns, Thor, you aren't my father."
"That didn't sound like a no."
"Fine! No, I won't go after Stark to continue our fight!" Despite how angry Loki still sounds, Thor lets go, confident he had turned the anger to him rather than his brother's soulmate. His mother had warned him of this, how anger can create an ever growing feedback loop between bonded that grows and grows. She was worried the situation would happen and charged Thor to watch after Loki, not only physically but emotionally as well.
Loki straightens his leathers with a huff before turning his attention to Rogers.
"We can be approximately 5 miles away from each other without adverse effects." He does not specify who he is talking about, trusting the human to understand. "Should I don a disguise before assisting with the search and rescue efforts?"
"Actually, only SHIELD and the Avengers know who you are," Natasha says from the end of the hallway. Loki doesn't know how long she's been there. He doesn't like it, and he for sure doesn't like that she's somehow able to sneak up on him. "Well, that and a handful of people in Germany, but we're working on that."
Loki raises an eyebrow at her. Luckily it seems she's just as adept at nonverbal communication as she answers the question without making him voice it. "You never left the tower during the invasion. Publicly, SHIELD decided it's best to put the whole blame on the aliens. You can't exactly help with rebuilding if people are trying to get revenge on you the whole time."
A perfectly reasonable solution for all of them. Rogers nods and points to Loki and Natasha. "Natasha, can you take him to that collapsed building on 5th? There's still survivors in there, his magic may be able to help us find them."
"Can do, Cap." Natasha jerks her head and starts walking to the elevator, expecting Loki to follow. He does, along with Thor, but Steve stays in place.
Before they reach the exit, Loki turns back to the captain. "Check on him."
"That's what I was planning on," Steve says. Loki nods and gets on the elevator with the others as Steve turns to find Tony.
JARVIS has the mobile armor on the way and Tony is standing with his back facing the entrance of the room by the time Steve finds him. The engineer can see him in the reflection of the glass and he presses his lips together before bowing his head and turning around.
“Spare me the lecture, Rogers. And don’t demand explanations because I don’t have any. What part of the city do you need me in or do you just want me to be eyes in the sky?”
"I was actually going to ask if you're okay," Steve says, leaning on the door. He doesn't know Tony. He sort of knew Howard, but from what he understands the man either put up a good face or changed a lot while he was on ice.
"You want to work with him, or do you want to help the fire department on 10th?" He doesn't want to force Tony to work in an area where his attention might be compromised. Unfortunately the person who would know where that is is Tony himself.
“Fire department,” Tony says with immediate venom, though the slump in his shoulders tell a different story. This reaction is not due to the staff, turning the Avengers against one another. Tony’s dislike for Rogers is not the guy’s fault. It had been cultivated over years and years of his father’s own personal brand of assholery.
He’s seen Cap fight now. He’s seen how he’s been able to adapt to over half a century of disconnect. The guy is strong, and lonely, and trying to get by. Tony exhales through his nose and approaches just as the mobile armor arrives at the window and then turns the corner to find an opening. He pauses by the larger man.
“You don’t know me, Cap. But I just want to help. And you probably hate Loki but I think he wants to help even more than I do. It’s not a pass but he’s kinda had a shit few years there and... we’re going to do our best. I’ll see you out there.”
"I'm not going to lie: I don't understand it," Steve says. "Don't think I ever will, really. But everyone deserves a second chance. If this Thanos really is as bad as he sounds, Loki took a big risk crossing him. That earns him some trust in my book."
Steve gives Tony a strong pat on the shoulder before turning to leave for his own rescue operations.
Down on the street, two gods and a master assassins make their way to a building collapsed by one of the few Chitauri Whales that made it through before the portal closed. Thor begins gently moving rubble under the direction of the local rescue specialist while Natasha gets information from the nearby fire chief.
Loki puts a hand to the ground and gently pushes his magic into the building, searching for signs of life. After a moment of concentration he calls over the location of a group of a group as well as three life signs that are dangerously weak. He alternates between moving rubble with a combination of magic and his natural strength, and checking for any changes in the survivors. It is slow, tedious work, but it is methodical like his studies, something Loki can easily loose himself in.
By the end of the afternoon, only twenty four hours since the acourge on the city began, Loki and Thor have made the news as their strength and magic and courage pull over three dozen people from death after the worst terrorist attack on American soil since 9-11.
Whatever guilt Loki might feel for this, for any of the destruction he’s caused, the sheer fact that there is well deserved adoration for his kindness and his help may well still some of the topical sting.
Tony has spent the same time helping to break down fallen Leviathan, using his technology to bag and tag pieces of Chitauri gear so it can’t be taken and used to reverse engineer weapons... or worse.
JARVIS and Steve are both constant voices in his ear but Tony’s already had to AI focus in on Loki and keeps tabs on him throughout the city through tapped in surveillance footage that runs continuously at the bottom of his HUD.
When Rogers calls it for a break and a meet up at the still mostly intact Tower, Tony reluctantly flies home and lingers on the landing pad on the balcony. A familiar looking flop of unruly curls greets him and Bruce helps him remove the suit when the machinery Tony had built to do so fails to unlatch several pieces do to damage from debris.
“I’ve mapped your brain waves. And Loki’s. It’s crazy, the points they intersect. But there are points where they don’t. There might be a way to pry them apart.”
Tony struggles to pull up the face plate and then frowns down at Banner. “Sounds like there’s a problem there.”
“Uh. Yeah so it could maybe leave you a vegetable. Loki’s waves are more robust—“
Tony shrugs as Bruce tugs at one of the gauntlets and nearly stumbles back when it gives way. “Keep working on it. I’ll work on my DNR.”
Loki is exhausted. The delicate work they were doing all day requires much more control than non-practitioners realize, causing more strain. It kept him busy, wore him out enough that his mind can only focus on one thing at a time.
The three of them make it back shortly after Tony touches down, Loki having successfully gotten the smallest hint of a smile out of Natasha shortly before the elevator doors open. The triumph of the moment is eclipsed when he sees Tony on the landing pad. He wants to go to him, but his feet stay rooted to the spot. How badly did he mess things up this morning?
Natasha nudges him with her elbow. "Go make up. He's going to be impossible if you two don't try to talk it out."
It's all the permission he needs. Without even a nod of acknowledgement, Loki goes to the door connecting the common area to the landing pad. He watches almost bemused as Banner and Stark struggle to get a tricky latch on one of the gauntlets. With a snap the offending closure relents and the armor piece falls into Banner's hands.
The doctor looks over at Loki, then between Loki and Tony a couple of times before murmuring something to Tony before heading inside.
"I lost my temper this morning," Loki says when they are finally alone. "I...I will do my best to keep my emotions in check in the future." He pointedly doesn't apologize. Tony's made it clear he doesn't like apologies, which is good because Loki doesn't like to apologize.
“Did you?” Tony is good at the disinterested game. This is something he’s had years and years of practice doing. When the kids his age thought he was weird because he graduated college but still wanted to be ‘friends’ because he paid for everything? Disinterest. When the pretty blonde used him for a story the same way he used her for an hour of connection? Disinterest. When his parents had their accident and Stark Industries was his? Disinterest.
It’s better not to care than to be hurt.
But of course, Loki can literally feel that the disinterest is put on. Tony isn’t fooling anyone. And he knows it.
“Nothing you said was wrong. Including the point that we are going to end up killing each other.”
Loki feels a spike of anger, the urge to yell that he's trying, trying harder than Tony to make this work. He tamps it down. They already did that, it didn't work, and he said he'd do better. Time to prove it.
"That doesn't mean I need to rub your nose in it." They would be the death of each other, that's how the bond worked. The question is when and how they treat each other in the in between.
"I called the bond a curse. I didn't always think that. When I was a younger, I thought it was rather comforting. The idea that there was someone out there who would connect with me so instantly, who would finally see me, rather than Thor's shadow. I thought- I thought a lot of things before." He can't look Tony in the eye. The bond, that's why his words fall out like a waterfall, unable to stop in it's plummet to the deep pool below. It isn't because for the first time in his life he feels like there is someone he can actually say all this too who might actually listen.
"I slept soundly for the first time in decades next to you. I don't want to let that go." Decades, not years. Loki knew something was wrong long before he learned of his true parentage, and it haunted him. Always focusing on the next spell, the next plan, something that would make him stand out, be noticed for his accomplishments and his alone.
Tony’s upset deepens as Loki’s speaks. Depression is not something Tony himself would describe part of his personality, though. Mania, sure. The crush of his own genius has been enough to whip him into frenzies. It hasn't always been to prove himself either, more like a way to release the constant pressure.
So while he is finding himself sinking into what really may be called depression in the clinical sense, all Tony really feels is a lonely inadequacy from what Loki had said.
I called the bond a curse. I didn’t always think that. Not until he found out you were the other end, his inner voice whispers like poison. Tony squares his jaw.
Connection. To be seen. To be more than what others thought. These are all things Tony has wanted to, since the moment he knew he was different and would always be alone. And yet, Loki douses that with lighter fluid. Tony might as well start the spark and is just about to when the other speaks again.
I don’t want to let that go.
The weight of it collapses around him and Tony, still standing in the debris of parts of his armor, is about as vulnerable as he can possibly be.
“What do you want? Normally I wouldn’t drop these things but there’s a whole lot to do and I think we would be better on the same page.”
The words are the easiest thing he's said all day. He can't say it, his pride is still too much, too fragile, but Tony is everything he wanted in a soulmate. Smart, quick, charming, strong, everything. Finally, he gets something he wants, but it's not the right time. Not the right place. What would have happened if he had been banished, rather than Thor? Would they have found each other in a different time, before Loki was angry at everything? Would it have been better?
He holds out a hand to Tony, terrified what might happen if the other refuses it.
That reach means more to Tony than Loki could have known, bond or no bond. People need him when they want something of him. They don’t need him just because they like what they’ve felt when their with him.
Honestly, Tony doesn’t even believe that Pepper could fall into that category. In a way, he’s her project.
Loki’s not asking him to change. Or to be anything other than what he is. It’s refreshing. And it’s a little terrifying too. Maybe that’s why Tony likes it so much.
Fear makes him feel so alive.
He sighs and the corners of his lips lift. “Okay. I can deal with that,” he says, sliding his fingers into Loki’s palm.
The tension that leaves Loki isn't physical, but Tony will be able to feel the relief when their hands touch. From this position they could easily go into a hug, but Loki is too aware of the glass walls and people inside who are likely watching them. So he simply gives Tony's hand a squeeze and shows him one of his rare, true smiles before turning around to lead the other inside.
"We were quite successful in our rescue efforts!" he says as they cross the threshold back to the common area. Thor is sitting on the couch trying to pretend he wasn't watching the two of them, Natasha is reclined on the couch reading, while Rogers is in the kitchen apparently attempting to find food. "One of your human news persons even interviewed me."
“Uh, no. No I absolutely need to hear it,” Tony insists. He hasn’t let go of Loki’s hand and he doesn’t intend to do so either. Not unless Pepper shows up and then only because it would not be fair to do it in front of her before they had a more thorough discussion.
Thor, however, gets mightily to his feet and comes to stand beside his brother. “Stark, it was quite the well delivered speech. Your bonded stood tall and proud, perhaps even majestic, and loosed green magical tendrils from his fingertips.” Thor attempts to demonstrate this, though it really just looks like jazz hands.
In the kitchen area, Rogers can’t help but poke his head out to watch.
“It was no less than any Asgardian would do for the mortals of this planet,” Thor says, pretending to affect Loki’s voice in a really very affectionate but horribly insulting way. It sounds both snooty and over the top childish, nothing at all like Loki’s melodic notes. “My brother and I will always stand by Midgard and her people, we will also be sure to cultivate respect and generosity—“
Tony outright stares at Thor and then glances at Loki.
“I mean,” Tony smirks, “that sounds just like you. Words and tone,” he deadpans.
Loki buries covers his face with his unoccupied hand and groans.
"Thor, stop. Never imitate me again."
"But brother, I was affecting your charisma and charm!"
Natasha smirks. "Tony's right, he did sound a lot like you."
"Never. Again." There is an implicit threat there, but it's more of the violent brotherly sense rather than the violent maniac sense. Thor seems to notice the subtle difference and smiles.
"Hey Stark!" Steve calls from the doorway to the kitchen where he was watching the display. "You got any food in this joint?"
At the mention of food, Loki's stomach gives a very loud growl. Thor looks like he is fighting to not laugh.
"...Sustained magic takes a lot of energy," Loki says, trying not to blush in embarassment.
About to answer Rogers, Loki’s stomach grumble make Tony shift his eyes sharply in his direction before he bursts out laughing. “You know we haven’t actually moved in yet?” Tony turns and gestures at no one in particular. “J?”
“Will twenty pies be sufficient, sir?”
A glance at Thor causes Tony’s eyes to roll. “Twenty-five. And wings. And cheese fries.”
JARVIS confirms as Tony takes Thor’s space on the couch with his legs kicked up over the arm rest. Once again, he’s completely forgotten about Pepper.
Tilting his head so it’s resting partially on the back of the couch and craned towards Loki, Tony engages in a rather lengthy debate about the pizza from Brooklyn, how the water interacts with the dough and why it’s the best food the Asgardians are likely going to eat. Rogers has to agree, though perhaps that’s because he’s partial to Brooklyn.
When the food arrives, and Banner is called out of the lab, Natasha finally pulls Tony aside to explain to him that he’s being understandably distracted but also the worst human being on the face of the planet. While Tony might interject about rapists and warlords, he understands where Natasha is coming from and he slips off to finish what will end up being a break up with Pepper Potts.
Does Tony love her? He believes he does, but he knows that there isn’t room in his mind for his inventions and Loki and anyone else in that way. And she gets it too.
She’s always been second. She’s always hated the part of him that’s Iron Man. She’s accepted it but watching him head into danger time and time again has been difficult for her.
There are things left to work out when she leaves but Natasha will handle that part. She’s taken a liking to Pepper during her undercover assignment a year or two back. They’ve gotten close. And Tony is thankful not to have to dredge painful things up.
By the time he returns to the group, Rogers is passed out half in his armor on a chair that looks barely able to support him and Thor is halfway through the Lion King, glued to the projection JARVIS set up on the largest wall. Tony arches an eyebrow at Loki, sharing in their tiredness, and then unabashedly sits in the space left by his hip and arm.
Pizza is pretty good. Loki would dare say it's the best thing he's eaten on Earth so far, but that isn't a very large sample size to pull from. He wouldn't say it's the best thing ever, but the appeal is apparent.
Dinner is surprisingly easy. Everyone is tired, so much of it passes in silence with the occasional question or comment thrown around. He can feel Romanoff watching him through much of the meal, though she's been doing that all day. He suspects she's mainly here to watch him on behalf of SHIELD, to report back the moment he messes up. Briefly he wonders about that morning's fight and what she told Fury about it.
She speaks with Tony alone and Loki feels his bonded's shame as he goes off to find Pepper. He feels the same sort of deep sadness, but it has a more resigned quality to it than this morning. No doubt the human has had time to think and is better prepared now. Loki wishes the red head would give it a chance, but he also understands why she wouldn't.
Seeing his brother's sadness, Thor suggests some form of entertainment. Rogers says he's working through watching modern Midgardian movies and asks JARVIS to put the latest one on the large screen in front of them. The Captain doesn't make it long, however; quickly succumbing to the weariness of a day's hard work shortly after the opening musical number.
Tony comes back and sits next to him on the couch. Loki unconsciously moves and throws his legs over Tony's lap.
"It is an interesting form of entertainment," he says, pointing at the projection, "though it lacks something from a live performance. Thor started crying when the father lion died."
“Who authorized Disney? It’s not Asgardian friendly,” Tony says, draping an arm over Loki’s legs like it’s easy to do. He’s never been one for physical affection in public, but this seems more like an extension of himself.
Meekly, from the corner, nibbling on a chicken wing without any sauce, Banner raises his hand. “I like this one.”
Maybe the Tower’s turned into this weird frat party, and Tony doesn’t know how long he won’t mind it, but for now, it feels nice to be surrounded by people that don’t seem to hate him.
He’s not going to tell Banner to stop his research on separating him and Loki, though, but he isn’t sure he’ll want it to happen if there ends up being a breakthrough.
The connection feels strong again. And without a barrier now. Tony will let himself be angry at that though later.
“At least it’s not Beauty and the Beast,” Tony muses. “But the music for that one is better.”
Loki is starting to like Bruce. He's insanely curious about the beast supposedly hiding in the man, but it's uncouth to bring up such delicate matters without actual reason. The scientist had been very patient in answering Loki's questions about the movie, though they had to do so more quietly after Thor shushed them the third time.
"Wait, what makes this 'not Asgardian Friendly'? It is just a show for children, correct?"
Tony makes some absent gesture at Thor before he leans over Loki’s legs to get himself some pizza. Lokis, it seems, make fairly decent lap tables. “Seems to me like you have your answer,” Tony points out. “Animated stories confuse some of you.”
Meaning Thor of course. Tony doesn’t dislike the Asgardian Crown Prince, but his loyalties obviously side with Loki.
“It’s better than Star Wars,” Bruce points out and after a moment’s pause, he wrinkles his nose. “Too soon?”
“Or too early,” Tony remarks and bites into his slice.
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cuttingremark) wrote2021-11-10 05:17 pm
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They could be miles apart or inches from one another’s face and Tony would still look like he’s about to pounce, teeth showing as he yells, body tense and breathing punctuated.
“Im not asking you to make it easier— oh— Oh wait, did I get it wrong? Do you hate it that much that you’re trying to find a way out of it? Is that why you keep saying shit like this? Fine. Great. How about we work on that?”
His nostrils flare as he sees Steve over Loki’s shoulder and he addresses the blond. “Where’s Banner? Tell him I need him for a special project!”
Now he’s just upsetting himself for no real reason. The thought of being apart from Loki is turning his stomach but let no one say Tony Stark isn’t one of the most stubborn creatures in the universe.
Or that Loki isn’t just as bad.
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Thor places a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Brother, you need-"
"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Loki rounds on him, oh to happy to have a new outlet for his anger. "I'm not your brother! You've never cared what I need, just what best suits you! So why don't you just fly off and play the hero, while the villain," Loki violently gestures to himself, "stays here and self-destructs?"
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“I have been selfish, Loki. My fall and your loss showed me all too well my errors. I try still to right what I have done, and with you once again with me, I will work to make the wrongs I caused right to you.”
Tony stands alone, the fire in his chest turned to ice. His breathing is more shallow now, as if his lungs burn with each attempt, as if he’s slowly filling with concrete and turning to stone. He turns eyes bright with tears that will sting and remain unshed away from Thor and Loki as he tries to think of a way out of this situation that doesn’t look like he’s running.
Tony Stark doesn’t care. Tony Stark is pompous and arrogant and a garbage human whose selfishness makes his heroics self servicing. He makes everything worse in his attempts to make them better and he doesn’t care because he knows he’s right. In the end, he may well stand alone, but he’ll be right.
Tony mechanically straightens and lets his mind close itself off. He turns on his heels and heads away from the scene with poor Rogers left unsure what to do. Ultimately, he chooses to remain with Thor in case Loki turns violent. Tony will be fine alone.
And it’s not like they’re friends.
no subject
Eventually, after Tony walks away, Loki's struggles die down and he hangs limp, breathing heavy. "You can let go now."
"You aren't going to go after him and start yelling again?" Thor asks.
"Norns, Thor, you aren't my father."
"That didn't sound like a no."
"Fine! No, I won't go after Stark to continue our fight!" Despite how angry Loki still sounds, Thor lets go, confident he had turned the anger to him rather than his brother's soulmate. His mother had warned him of this, how anger can create an ever growing feedback loop between bonded that grows and grows. She was worried the situation would happen and charged Thor to watch after Loki, not only physically but emotionally as well.
Loki straightens his leathers with a huff before turning his attention to Rogers.
"We can be approximately 5 miles away from each other without adverse effects." He does not specify who he is talking about, trusting the human to understand. "Should I don a disguise before assisting with the search and rescue efforts?"
"Actually, only SHIELD and the Avengers know who you are," Natasha says from the end of the hallway. Loki doesn't know how long she's been there. He doesn't like it, and he for sure doesn't like that she's somehow able to sneak up on him. "Well, that and a handful of people in Germany, but we're working on that."
Loki raises an eyebrow at her. Luckily it seems she's just as adept at nonverbal communication as she answers the question without making him voice it. "You never left the tower during the invasion. Publicly, SHIELD decided it's best to put the whole blame on the aliens. You can't exactly help with rebuilding if people are trying to get revenge on you the whole time."
A perfectly reasonable solution for all of them. Rogers nods and points to Loki and Natasha. "Natasha, can you take him to that collapsed building on 5th? There's still survivors in there, his magic may be able to help us find them."
"Can do, Cap." Natasha jerks her head and starts walking to the elevator, expecting Loki to follow. He does, along with Thor, but Steve stays in place.
Before they reach the exit, Loki turns back to the captain. "Check on him."
"That's what I was planning on," Steve says. Loki nods and gets on the elevator with the others as Steve turns to find Tony.
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“Spare me the lecture, Rogers. And don’t demand explanations because I don’t have any. What part of the city do you need me in or do you just want me to be eyes in the sky?”
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"You want to work with him, or do you want to help the fire department on 10th?" He doesn't want to force Tony to work in an area where his attention might be compromised. Unfortunately the person who would know where that is is Tony himself.
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He’s seen Cap fight now. He’s seen how he’s been able to adapt to over half a century of disconnect. The guy is strong, and lonely, and trying to get by. Tony exhales through his nose and approaches just as the mobile armor arrives at the window and then turns the corner to find an opening. He pauses by the larger man.
“You don’t know me, Cap. But I just want to help. And you probably hate Loki but I think he wants to help even more than I do. It’s not a pass but he’s kinda had a shit few years there and... we’re going to do our best. I’ll see you out there.”
no subject
Steve gives Tony a strong pat on the shoulder before turning to leave for his own rescue operations.
Down on the street, two gods and a master assassins make their way to a building collapsed by one of the few Chitauri Whales that made it through before the portal closed. Thor begins gently moving rubble under the direction of the local rescue specialist while Natasha gets information from the nearby fire chief.
Loki puts a hand to the ground and gently pushes his magic into the building, searching for signs of life. After a moment of concentration he calls over the location of a group of a group as well as three life signs that are dangerously weak. He alternates between moving rubble with a combination of magic and his natural strength, and checking for any changes in the survivors. It is slow, tedious work, but it is methodical like his studies, something Loki can easily loose himself in.
no subject
Whatever guilt Loki might feel for this, for any of the destruction he’s caused, the sheer fact that there is well deserved adoration for his kindness and his help may well still some of the topical sting.
Tony has spent the same time helping to break down fallen Leviathan, using his technology to bag and tag pieces of Chitauri gear so it can’t be taken and used to reverse engineer weapons... or worse.
JARVIS and Steve are both constant voices in his ear but Tony’s already had to AI focus in on Loki and keeps tabs on him throughout the city through tapped in surveillance footage that runs continuously at the bottom of his HUD.
When Rogers calls it for a break and a meet up at the still mostly intact Tower, Tony reluctantly flies home and lingers on the landing pad on the balcony. A familiar looking flop of unruly curls greets him and Bruce helps him remove the suit when the machinery Tony had built to do so fails to unlatch several pieces do to damage from debris.
“I’ve mapped your brain waves. And Loki’s. It’s crazy, the points they intersect. But there are points where they don’t. There might be a way to pry them apart.”
Tony struggles to pull up the face plate and then frowns down at Banner. “Sounds like there’s a problem there.”
“Uh. Yeah so it could maybe leave you a vegetable. Loki’s waves are more robust—“
Tony shrugs as Bruce tugs at one of the gauntlets and nearly stumbles back when it gives way. “Keep working on it. I’ll work on my DNR.”
no subject
The three of them make it back shortly after Tony touches down, Loki having successfully gotten the smallest hint of a smile out of Natasha shortly before the elevator doors open. The triumph of the moment is eclipsed when he sees Tony on the landing pad. He wants to go to him, but his feet stay rooted to the spot. How badly did he mess things up this morning?
Natasha nudges him with her elbow. "Go make up. He's going to be impossible if you two don't try to talk it out."
It's all the permission he needs. Without even a nod of acknowledgement, Loki goes to the door connecting the common area to the landing pad. He watches almost bemused as Banner and Stark struggle to get a tricky latch on one of the gauntlets. With a snap the offending closure relents and the armor piece falls into Banner's hands.
The doctor looks over at Loki, then between Loki and Tony a couple of times before murmuring something to Tony before heading inside.
"I lost my temper this morning," Loki says when they are finally alone. "I...I will do my best to keep my emotions in check in the future." He pointedly doesn't apologize. Tony's made it clear he doesn't like apologies, which is good because Loki doesn't like to apologize.
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It’s better not to care than to be hurt.
But of course, Loki can literally feel that the disinterest is put on. Tony isn’t fooling anyone. And he knows it.
“Nothing you said was wrong. Including the point that we are going to end up killing each other.”
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"That doesn't mean I need to rub your nose in it." They would be the death of each other, that's how the bond worked. The question is when and how they treat each other in the in between.
"I called the bond a curse. I didn't always think that. When I was a younger, I thought it was rather comforting. The idea that there was someone out there who would connect with me so instantly, who would finally see me, rather than Thor's shadow. I thought- I thought a lot of things before." He can't look Tony in the eye. The bond, that's why his words fall out like a waterfall, unable to stop in it's plummet to the deep pool below. It isn't because for the first time in his life he feels like there is someone he can actually say all this too who might actually listen.
"I slept soundly for the first time in decades next to you. I don't want to let that go." Decades, not years. Loki knew something was wrong long before he learned of his true parentage, and it haunted him. Always focusing on the next spell, the next plan, something that would make him stand out, be noticed for his accomplishments and his alone.
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So while he is finding himself sinking into what really may be called depression in the clinical sense, all Tony really feels is a lonely inadequacy from what Loki had said.
I called the bond a curse. I didn’t always think that. Not until he found out you were the other end, his inner voice whispers like poison. Tony squares his jaw.
Connection. To be seen. To be more than what others thought. These are all things Tony has wanted to, since the moment he knew he was different and would always be alone. And yet, Loki douses that with lighter fluid. Tony might as well start the spark and is just about to when the other speaks again.
I don’t want to let that go.
The weight of it collapses around him and Tony, still standing in the debris of parts of his armor, is about as vulnerable as he can possibly be.
“What do you want? Normally I wouldn’t drop these things but there’s a whole lot to do and I think we would be better on the same page.”
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The words are the easiest thing he's said all day. He can't say it, his pride is still too much, too fragile, but Tony is everything he wanted in a soulmate. Smart, quick, charming, strong, everything. Finally, he gets something he wants, but it's not the right time. Not the right place. What would have happened if he had been banished, rather than Thor? Would they have found each other in a different time, before Loki was angry at everything? Would it have been better?
He holds out a hand to Tony, terrified what might happen if the other refuses it.
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Honestly, Tony doesn’t even believe that Pepper could fall into that category. In a way, he’s her project.
Loki’s not asking him to change. Or to be anything other than what he is. It’s refreshing. And it’s a little terrifying too. Maybe that’s why Tony likes it so much.
Fear makes him feel so alive.
He sighs and the corners of his lips lift. “Okay. I can deal with that,” he says, sliding his fingers into Loki’s palm.
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"We were quite successful in our rescue efforts!" he says as they cross the threshold back to the common area. Thor is sitting on the couch trying to pretend he wasn't watching the two of them, Natasha is reclined on the couch reading, while Rogers is in the kitchen apparently attempting to find food. "One of your human news persons even interviewed me."
"Yeah, we're not letting that air," Natasha says.
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Thor, however, gets mightily to his feet and comes to stand beside his brother. “Stark, it was quite the well delivered speech. Your bonded stood tall and proud, perhaps even majestic, and loosed green magical tendrils from his fingertips.” Thor attempts to demonstrate this, though it really just looks like jazz hands.
In the kitchen area, Rogers can’t help but poke his head out to watch.
“It was no less than any Asgardian would do for the mortals of this planet,” Thor says, pretending to affect Loki’s voice in a really very affectionate but horribly insulting way. It sounds both snooty and over the top childish, nothing at all like Loki’s melodic notes. “My brother and I will always stand by Midgard and her people, we will also be sure to cultivate respect and generosity—“
Tony outright stares at Thor and then glances at Loki.
“I mean,” Tony smirks, “that sounds just like you. Words and tone,” he deadpans.
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"Thor, stop. Never imitate me again."
"But brother, I was affecting your charisma and charm!"
Natasha smirks. "Tony's right, he did sound a lot like you."
"Never. Again." There is an implicit threat there, but it's more of the violent brotherly sense rather than the violent maniac sense. Thor seems to notice the subtle difference and smiles.
"Hey Stark!" Steve calls from the doorway to the kitchen where he was watching the display. "You got any food in this joint?"
At the mention of food, Loki's stomach gives a very loud growl. Thor looks like he is fighting to not laugh.
"...Sustained magic takes a lot of energy," Loki says, trying not to blush in embarassment.
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“Will twenty pies be sufficient, sir?”
A glance at Thor causes Tony’s eyes to roll. “Twenty-five. And wings. And cheese fries.”
JARVIS confirms as Tony takes Thor’s space on the couch with his legs kicked up over the arm rest. Once again, he’s completely forgotten about Pepper.
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"Pizza," Natasha says.
Thor cocks his head to the side. "I have heard of this 'pizza', but have never before sampled it."
Loki, still obviously confused, looks at Tony.
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Brooklyn, how the water interacts with the dough and why it’s the best food the Asgardians are likely going to eat. Rogers has to agree, though perhaps that’s because he’s partial to Brooklyn.
When the food arrives, and Banner is called out of the lab, Natasha finally pulls Tony aside to explain to him that he’s being understandably distracted but also the worst human being on the face of the planet. While Tony might interject about rapists and warlords, he understands where Natasha is coming from and he slips off to finish what will end up being a break up with Pepper Potts.
Does Tony love her? He believes he does, but he knows that there isn’t room in his mind for his inventions and Loki and anyone else in that way. And she gets it too.
She’s always been second. She’s always hated the part of him that’s Iron Man. She’s accepted it but watching him head into danger time and time again has been difficult for her.
There are things left to work out when she leaves but Natasha will handle that part. She’s taken a liking to Pepper during her undercover assignment a year or two back. They’ve gotten close. And Tony is thankful not to have to dredge painful things up.
By the time he returns to the group, Rogers is passed out half in his armor on a chair that looks barely able to support him and Thor is halfway through the Lion King, glued to the projection JARVIS set up on the largest wall. Tony arches an eyebrow at Loki, sharing in their tiredness, and then unabashedly sits in the space left by his hip and arm.
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Dinner is surprisingly easy. Everyone is tired, so much of it passes in silence with the occasional question or comment thrown around. He can feel Romanoff watching him through much of the meal, though she's been doing that all day. He suspects she's mainly here to watch him on behalf of SHIELD, to report back the moment he messes up. Briefly he wonders about that morning's fight and what she told Fury about it.
She speaks with Tony alone and Loki feels his bonded's shame as he goes off to find Pepper. He feels the same sort of deep sadness, but it has a more resigned quality to it than this morning. No doubt the human has had time to think and is better prepared now. Loki wishes the red head would give it a chance, but he also understands why she wouldn't.
Seeing his brother's sadness, Thor suggests some form of entertainment. Rogers says he's working through watching modern Midgardian movies and asks JARVIS to put the latest one on the large screen in front of them. The Captain doesn't make it long, however; quickly succumbing to the weariness of a day's hard work shortly after the opening musical number.
Tony comes back and sits next to him on the couch. Loki unconsciously moves and throws his legs over Tony's lap.
"It is an interesting form of entertainment," he says, pointing at the projection, "though it lacks something from a live performance. Thor started crying when the father lion died."
"It was very emotional!"
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Meekly, from the corner, nibbling on a chicken wing without any sauce, Banner raises his hand. “I like this one.”
Maybe the Tower’s turned into this weird frat party, and Tony doesn’t know how long he won’t mind it, but for now, it feels nice to be surrounded by people that don’t seem to hate him.
He’s not going to tell Banner to stop his research on separating him and Loki, though, but he isn’t sure he’ll want it to happen if there ends up being a breakthrough.
The connection feels strong again. And without a barrier now. Tony will let himself be angry at that though later.
“At least it’s not Beauty and the Beast,” Tony muses. “But the music for that one is better.”
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"Wait, what makes this 'not Asgardian Friendly'? It is just a show for children, correct?"
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Meaning Thor of course. Tony doesn’t dislike the Asgardian Crown Prince, but his loyalties obviously side with Loki.
“It’s better than Star Wars,” Bruce points out and after a moment’s pause, he wrinkles his nose. “Too soon?”
“Or too early,” Tony remarks and bites into his slice.
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Gosh this is one of those days :(
Same here :(
Re: Same here :(
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